Today's topic is divorce. Don't worry, I'm not preachy. I kind of stand in awe of people who have the intestinal fortitude to get one. John and I are just too lazy.
We only had two years together before we had children. A lot of people told me before we got married that the first year was the worst. I was told to we would need to grit our teeth and just fight through it. I was petrified. My mom was telling me to walk down the aisle backward so If I wanted to run for the door I could go for it. She truly gave me an out up and including the day of the wedding...."if you want to stop this right now you can... no questions asked.....Don't get me wrong, my mom loved and loves John. (even though he's a democrat ....that really tests the waters) It wasn't about him, I'm honestly not sure what it was about. I think she just didn't want to deal with divorce. Having a cat collecting old maid would be better than divorce. That first year, I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it never did. I never felt there was an adjustment from single life to marriage, oh and we never lived together before we were married so that wasn't it.
Once we had kids, our attitude was "ain't no way, I'm raising these hellions on my own" As kids go, our kids were very well behaved. Until.......DUM DA DUM....the teen years. Good Grief, mother of Mary, I never dreamt how difficult the teen years could be. This only cemented this marriage together more. He didn't want them, I didn't want them, my parents would have killed them. If he even so much as DIED, I was going to be F U R I O U S!! I still love James Dobson's quote on raising teenagers. "at 13 put them in a drum, put the lid on and drill holes in the drum....at 16 plug the holes" (He was kidding, remember he's a pro-life advocate) he also said raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree. I can relate to both.
Now (big deep breath) the worst, I hope, is over. I hear of people getting divorced 25 and 30 years into marriage. Why? I know there has to be some great reasons, but I don't care how bad the mid life crisis gets, I'm not going anywhere.....as I said John and I are way to lazy for that nonsense. Splitting stuff, splitting money, his, hers, mine....please, that just wears me out to think about it. We have always just thrown our money into one big pot (one small kettle actually) and used it to live. We have no egos. It's not my money or his money....it's ours. The house could be a problem. I was raised in the house that we live in now, so technically I believe I have squatters rights. I would think he would feel stupid taking my childhood home. (hey I think I found something to fight about) The only thing I foresee as a potential problem in our future is fighting over who gets to retire first. I say we are walking at the same time, I'm not sure what page he's on.
I cannot not remember one fight that John and I ever had. There may have been a few sarcastic remarks, but never a screaming, fighting, crying, throwing things fight. If someone ever asked advice on a happy marriage, I truly have no clue because this was a gift. If it would have taken "work" I'm not sure we would have been up to it. We are not that ambitious. My ONLY advice in marriage, raising kids and actually any area in life is to pick your battles.....not everything needs to be a fight. You are allowed to let something go.
Now after I've allowed myself a brief moment of feeling superior, John probably has his escape all figured out. I shall go read his emails and text messages.....I need to stay one step ahead.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
FEELING A BIT BITTER
You know the old joke (which I still don't get) What's a henweigh? Well here's my question, and it's not a joke....what does two ovaries, two Fallopian tubes, an appendicts and a twenty week pregnant size uterus weigh?
Apparently ZERO, ZILCH, NADA, NOTHING:
When I look in my special mirror, I see Kim Kardashian.....when I see pictures of myself, I see Rosanne Barr. Actually I relate most with that cartoon character from BC.
I'm the one on the far left where my boobs and my ass really make my back hurt.
Seriously, I was feeling kind of good, felt like my pants may be a bit more loose and I decided to weigh myself. Let me talk about my scale for just one second.....I'm not lying, it was a wedding gift to my mom and dad Circa 1956....but do you know the darn thing is as accurate as the Dr.'s scale? OK back to bitching......I weighed myself and I weigh the EXACT same as I did prior to surgery. HOW????
If someone can explain this please do, because there is no logical reason for it.
The same day I weigh myself there is a facebook post from one of my friends (you know who you are) that said (I'm paraphrasing here)
"I went on vacation last week and ate myself into oblivion. Weighed myself today and I've lost 10 lbs."
Shut up OK? Just shut up! You were a skinny bitch in high school and will always be one....so just shut up. (kind of just kidding here Jody) Maybe I have a fat gene that was passed down from generation to generation......not my fault. Tape worm? probably not.....addiction to food? Sounds to harsh. Love of fine cuisine.....probably. Social eater? definitely.
Still, when you lose 4 or five organs, how can you weigh the same?
I go to Dr. Happy next week.....you can bet I'm going to ask.
Apparently ZERO, ZILCH, NADA, NOTHING:
When I look in my special mirror, I see Kim Kardashian.....when I see pictures of myself, I see Rosanne Barr. Actually I relate most with that cartoon character from BC.
I'm the one on the far left where my boobs and my ass really make my back hurt.
Seriously, I was feeling kind of good, felt like my pants may be a bit more loose and I decided to weigh myself. Let me talk about my scale for just one second.....I'm not lying, it was a wedding gift to my mom and dad Circa 1956....but do you know the darn thing is as accurate as the Dr.'s scale? OK back to bitching......I weighed myself and I weigh the EXACT same as I did prior to surgery. HOW????
If someone can explain this please do, because there is no logical reason for it.
The same day I weigh myself there is a facebook post from one of my friends (you know who you are) that said (I'm paraphrasing here)
"I went on vacation last week and ate myself into oblivion. Weighed myself today and I've lost 10 lbs."
Shut up OK? Just shut up! You were a skinny bitch in high school and will always be one....so just shut up. (kind of just kidding here Jody) Maybe I have a fat gene that was passed down from generation to generation......not my fault. Tape worm? probably not.....addiction to food? Sounds to harsh. Love of fine cuisine.....probably. Social eater? definitely.
Still, when you lose 4 or five organs, how can you weigh the same?
I go to Dr. Happy next week.....you can bet I'm going to ask.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
GOD BLESS THOSE WHO SERVE
This is a re-run but, it's one we all need to remember. Real men and women, real wives, real moms and dads and real children....left behind so the one they love most can go serve their country. They say time is our friend, however from where I stand It doesn't get any easier. In fact I think it gets worse. For the first time since he's been gone, Taylor cried real tears off and on this weekend for her dad. She's missing him so badly. Ben has approx 217 days left, that sounds like an eternity for an adult, let alone a kid. I prefer to count holidays. There are approx 7 or 8 and that's counting Taylor's birthday and Ben and Sam's anniversary. (which incidently is next week)
I remember that March day when Ben deployed. I remember the tears, the hugs, the crying children as their moms or dads walked to the bus. I remember the sense of pride we all had for these men and women and especially Ben. We also look forward with great anticipation to the welcome home we will give them when they return. It will be better than any Christmas!
To all who have served, and is currently serving to those who gave the ultimate price... their lives, we say thank you. Thank you is not enough, but we can pay it forward by always remembering what paid the price for our freedom....It was the lives and service of others.
Geez, after an uber emotional day Tuesday, I still have so many thoughts going through my head. I find writing therapuetic so please hang with me because this post is going to be all over the place. ( it also should be the last one on this terribly emotional day!)
First, let me say, I knew it would be a hard day. I had put it in the background of my mind knowing it was something that was coming up and I knew it would be difficult...However, as an observer, it turns out it was much harder than imagined. First, let me say we love Ben and we are sad he's gone, but that wasn't the only part that was so hard. What really makes it difficult is to see the pain in the people you love most. I know Ben was glad that his family was there but his concern, grief, tears, and heartache was for Samantha and Taylor. Leaving the rest of us, though not pleasant, was nothing compared to leaving his wife and child. As a parent to one of these two, let me tell you it's heart wrenching to watch.
Second, when you look around at 170 people preparing to deploy and saying their last goodbye's it makes your heart heavy. There was a child within feet of us sobbing/shreeking/yelling, I'm not sure what the right word is, for her daddy who had just walked out to get on the bus. I'm not sure of her age, probably six or seven. She was old enough to know that her dad would not be around for a very long time. One of Ben's cousins gave her one of the Army dolls they were passing out. She hadn't received one so I believe it brought a little smile to her face. She will probably never have to be told or taught how to respect those who serve... she received that lesson early in life. For the group I was with, this experience will be something words CANNOT explain or describe and second we will never forget.
I think we as humans don't seem to truly understand things until it touches our lives. Which makes us I guess not too bright. There are several things that I learned yesterday. Though there were 170 men/women being deployed in this particular unit, attached to those 170 are many many others who love them dearly and are also sacrificing. Though it's true that the United States Military is volunteer, to me that even speaks louder than anything about our troops. Ben had told me a year or so ago, that he really didn't want to "get out" of deploying because he wanted to serve. He didn't want to get out of the service without actually doing something.
Well, here we are......through the heart ache, tears, missed holidays, missed birthday celebrations, missed family gatherings, there will be a HUGE celebration in a year. I believe this particular homecoming is going to be spectacular and none of us can wait....Especially Sam and Taylor. God bless our service men and women both past and future and the families that sacrifice for that service!
I remember that March day when Ben deployed. I remember the tears, the hugs, the crying children as their moms or dads walked to the bus. I remember the sense of pride we all had for these men and women and especially Ben. We also look forward with great anticipation to the welcome home we will give them when they return. It will be better than any Christmas!
To all who have served, and is currently serving to those who gave the ultimate price... their lives, we say thank you. Thank you is not enough, but we can pay it forward by always remembering what paid the price for our freedom....It was the lives and service of others.
Geez, after an uber emotional day Tuesday, I still have so many thoughts going through my head. I find writing therapuetic so please hang with me because this post is going to be all over the place. ( it also should be the last one on this terribly emotional day!)First, let me say, I knew it would be a hard day. I had put it in the background of my mind knowing it was something that was coming up and I knew it would be difficult...However, as an observer, it turns out it was much harder than imagined. First, let me say we love Ben and we are sad he's gone, but that wasn't the only part that was so hard. What really makes it difficult is to see the pain in the people you love most. I know Ben was glad that his family was there but his concern, grief, tears, and heartache was for Samantha and Taylor. Leaving the rest of us, though not pleasant, was nothing compared to leaving his wife and child. As a parent to one of these two, let me tell you it's heart wrenching to watch.
Second, when you look around at 170 people preparing to deploy and saying their last goodbye's it makes your heart heavy. There was a child within feet of us sobbing/shreeking/yelling, I'm not sure what the right word is, for her daddy who had just walked out to get on the bus. I'm not sure of her age, probably six or seven. She was old enough to know that her dad would not be around for a very long time. One of Ben's cousins gave her one of the Army dolls they were passing out. She hadn't received one so I believe it brought a little smile to her face. She will probably never have to be told or taught how to respect those who serve... she received that lesson early in life. For the group I was with, this experience will be something words CANNOT explain or describe and second we will never forget.
I think we as humans don't seem to truly understand things until it touches our lives. Which makes us I guess not too bright. There are several things that I learned yesterday. Though there were 170 men/women being deployed in this particular unit, attached to those 170 are many many others who love them dearly and are also sacrificing. Though it's true that the United States Military is volunteer, to me that even speaks louder than anything about our troops. Ben had told me a year or so ago, that he really didn't want to "get out" of deploying because he wanted to serve. He didn't want to get out of the service without actually doing something.
Well, here we are......through the heart ache, tears, missed holidays, missed birthday celebrations, missed family gatherings, there will be a HUGE celebration in a year. I believe this particular homecoming is going to be spectacular and none of us can wait....Especially Sam and Taylor. God bless our service men and women both past and future and the families that sacrifice for that service!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
WHERE WERE THE REPRESENTATIVES WE ELECT TO REPRESENT US
If you have never been to a Call To Duty ceremony, I'm not going to lie.....as far as the ceremony itself, it's kind of dry. The highlights are when the troops come in in formation with the military band playing and the singing of the National Anthem. This post is a positive and a negative:
The Positive:
The positive I noticed in this ceremony is they kept God in it. We prayed. I don't know if the name of Jesus was mentioned, I honestly didn't notice, but we prayed to God. Any day now I expect to see a facebook post about a movement to remove God from deployment ceremonies. Until that happens, I was happy God was still welcome.
The Negative:
You know those politicians we elect? You know the ones who sit in nice offices all day and meddle in our lives, waste tons of money and believe they are God...yea them.....do you know none of them were at the ceremony yesterday? I honestly don't remember the names of who were supposed to be there. The only one I remember, because I recognized the name, was Sherrod Brown, but there were at least three others who were invited, but didn't show.
I know, I know, they had more important things to do and I also realize we have way too many deployment ceremonies in the state of OHIO and attending every one of them is virtually impossible. (Prior sentence is pure sarcasm, please there are probably two, I really don't know) I can't even bash a particular party here. Republicans were in office when the war started and most Democrats are against the war, yet neither were willing to show up and represent. I believe Gov. Kasich should have been there. It's not like these things aren't on the calendar in advance and he represents the entire state.
Yep, our representatives didn't represent. NICE!! No, instead they sent the Reps of the Reps, who read letters/speeches that who knows who wrote. I doubt that reps write their own material, that's why we hire speech writers right?
One of the best quotes yesterday was from a rep of a rep and he said...."What I was given to read is way too long so I'm going to shorten it so families can spend more time with one another before the buses pull away" Applause broke out.
In one way, I guess we would have been more bored to hear what these people may have spewed, but on the other hand not showing up speaks volumes. Supporting our troops in an election campaign speech is hardly the same as being there.
 |
| Taylor Waiving her Flag for Daddy |
If you have never been to a Call To Duty ceremony, I'm not going to lie.....as far as the ceremony itself, it's kind of dry. The highlights are when the troops come in in formation with the military band playing and the singing of the National Anthem. This post is a positive and a negative:
The Positive:
The positive I noticed in this ceremony is they kept God in it. We prayed. I don't know if the name of Jesus was mentioned, I honestly didn't notice, but we prayed to God. Any day now I expect to see a facebook post about a movement to remove God from deployment ceremonies. Until that happens, I was happy God was still welcome.
The Negative:
You know those politicians we elect? You know the ones who sit in nice offices all day and meddle in our lives, waste tons of money and believe they are God...yea them.....do you know none of them were at the ceremony yesterday? I honestly don't remember the names of who were supposed to be there. The only one I remember, because I recognized the name, was Sherrod Brown, but there were at least three others who were invited, but didn't show.
I know, I know, they had more important things to do and I also realize we have way too many deployment ceremonies in the state of OHIO and attending every one of them is virtually impossible. (Prior sentence is pure sarcasm, please there are probably two, I really don't know) I can't even bash a particular party here. Republicans were in office when the war started and most Democrats are against the war, yet neither were willing to show up and represent. I believe Gov. Kasich should have been there. It's not like these things aren't on the calendar in advance and he represents the entire state.
Yep, our representatives didn't represent. NICE!! No, instead they sent the Reps of the Reps, who read letters/speeches that who knows who wrote. I doubt that reps write their own material, that's why we hire speech writers right?
One of the best quotes yesterday was from a rep of a rep and he said...."What I was given to read is way too long so I'm going to shorten it so families can spend more time with one another before the buses pull away" Applause broke out.
In one way, I guess we would have been more bored to hear what these people may have spewed, but on the other hand not showing up speaks volumes. Supporting our troops in an election campaign speech is hardly the same as being there.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
PICTURES ARE WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
You know what made today so hard, much harder than even I anticipated? The pictures below pretty much sum it up.
I have more to say, but it will keep until tomorrow after a good nights sleep. Stay safe Ben a lot of people are going to be missing you!!
CALL TO DUTY DAY/DEPLOYMENT
Today is the day we actually say good bye. There will be tears and lots of them. It's kind of hard for us to hold opposing views. We have both heavy hearts, yet great pride. It will be an honor to participate in the Call To Duty today and bid our soldiers fairwell. As I wrote below in an earlier post, please let's continue to pray for all our troops and their families. Those of you who have been through it already know how hard it is. As I said below.....“The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us.”
We will all miss you Ben, we have the home front covered, you worry about you. Be safe and smart. Keep that sense of humor up until the point it gets you in trouble :) We know how you are!
We love you!!
Original Post:Last night we attended a going away party for our Son In Law Ben. He has a month before he leaves for Texas and then after being there a couple months he will be heading for Afghanistan. His unit will be away for one year.
I think about Taylor because she is just a little girl and daddy is like an overgrown kid that LOVES to play with her. Ben's middle name is patience when it comes to Taylor. He is a wonderful father. The only consolation is due to advanced technology they will at least be able to see each other technologically and talk to each other that way. I'm kind of stupid to admit this, but I don't think I realized how badly this deployment stuff sucks until it's one of yours. It truly does make you stop and think of the people who fought in prior wars and gave so much for the freedoms we have today.
Samantha, will be OK of course, but will have the additional burden of being a single mother. The last couple times that Ben has left for training a couple weeks at a time, she notices small behavior changes in Taylor. She becomes extremely attached to Sam and kind of clingy. Sam is fortunate she is close to both of her siblings and everyone will be there for her including her dad and I and Taylor's other grandparents Pam and Joe.
Even more I think about his momma, (and dad of course, but I'm writing this from a mother's perspective) who will be worried until the day he returns. I can sit here and act like this affects me more, but there is no way I can trump a mother's love for her son. I have always told my kids, NOBODY, ANYWHERE will love you more than I do. The only person/deity that will love you more is God. When kids grow up and and marry and start families of their own, we parents have to take a few steps back and respect the sanctity of marriage, but that does nothing to change the love, the worry, the concern, the joy and the hope we hold in our heart for our kids. We will die caring for the very beings we created and were blessed enough to be chosen to be mothers to. So we will do what we can and pray and ask everyone else to pray.
Let's remember to keep our service men and women in our prayers. Pray for the families that are left behind or separated, for what seems like an eternity, that God will give everyone courage, peace of heart and protection. I believe in a very big God. He is not weak and timid but is bold and strong. One of my favorite quotes from Billy Graham is:
“The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us.”
AMEN!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
POOR POOR DOGGY
The hysterectomy couch and chair arrived. I really do like it. Though I'm not a covetous person. I was gifted some money and this is what was truly needed. (I don't even think we can GIVE the last couch away it's that bad) I like to take care of what I'm blessed to have, but it never fails....the harder I try the worser it gets. ( yes, I know that's not a real word)
First the furniture arrived and as the truck was pulling away, I noticed that the chair had a bum leg. The chair is a wing back type chair. The leg looked so crooked that if you were to sit on it it would just snap. I'm not a very irate person so I call to see what they can do for us and oh the best they can do is come look at it in a week. Had we been difficult people we probably should have said, no, just bring us a new chair, but we really try to work with people. The service guy came he and says "Yea, that leg is not right" Gee thanks Sherlock, I believe I already solved that mystery. He then says he will come back and get it in another week, take it to the shop, fix it and return it by the following week. Apparently there is something magical about a "Week" Now that I'm not dying, I guess I have nothing but time, so what's a week or two.
Then there's the damn dog. I know, I know all you animal lovers, she's just a dog. I want a dog that can talk like a human please. She's not stupid, but I can't get her to read the memo concerning the new couch. We humans, totally understand that we took away her bed, but we didn't just take it away with out replacing it with a more suitable bed for her. We got her a ginormous soft, plush doggie bed. Other dogs would be so jealous if they saw this thing. Granted it matches the decor of the room, but being the diva she is she should appreciate that.
We have tried everything, from spreading the pillows out on the couch so she won't jump up, to when we go to bed we put a dining room chair on the couch and the chair that guarantees she won't get up on it. This last trick however kind of ruins what I was trying to accomplish with the new couch to begin with. John heard that putting mouse traps up on the couch works, that seems a bit wrong to me. I don't need turned into the humane society. I've managed not to have the kids taken away I think I should be able to keep the dog.
So dog lovers.....any suggestions? Because She is obviously depressed over the situation:
First the furniture arrived and as the truck was pulling away, I noticed that the chair had a bum leg. The chair is a wing back type chair. The leg looked so crooked that if you were to sit on it it would just snap. I'm not a very irate person so I call to see what they can do for us and oh the best they can do is come look at it in a week. Had we been difficult people we probably should have said, no, just bring us a new chair, but we really try to work with people. The service guy came he and says "Yea, that leg is not right" Gee thanks Sherlock, I believe I already solved that mystery. He then says he will come back and get it in another week, take it to the shop, fix it and return it by the following week. Apparently there is something magical about a "Week" Now that I'm not dying, I guess I have nothing but time, so what's a week or two.
Then there's the damn dog. I know, I know all you animal lovers, she's just a dog. I want a dog that can talk like a human please. She's not stupid, but I can't get her to read the memo concerning the new couch. We humans, totally understand that we took away her bed, but we didn't just take it away with out replacing it with a more suitable bed for her. We got her a ginormous soft, plush doggie bed. Other dogs would be so jealous if they saw this thing. Granted it matches the decor of the room, but being the diva she is she should appreciate that.
We have tried everything, from spreading the pillows out on the couch so she won't jump up, to when we go to bed we put a dining room chair on the couch and the chair that guarantees she won't get up on it. This last trick however kind of ruins what I was trying to accomplish with the new couch to begin with. John heard that putting mouse traps up on the couch works, that seems a bit wrong to me. I don't need turned into the humane society. I've managed not to have the kids taken away I think I should be able to keep the dog.
So dog lovers.....any suggestions? Because She is obviously depressed over the situation:
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