Saturday, June 29, 2013


My mother has a gift.  She has the gift of gab, but more than that she truly has the gift of hospitality.  Just so you know and realize, this is just another way we are opposite.  It's not that I'm not hospitable, it's just that I'm not overly fond of people.  (JOKE) The truth is being hospitable takes a lot out of me.  I worry....I worry about recipes turning out bad, dried out meat, having enough food, people hating everything I make, bathrooms being clean...Someone pulling out the refrigerator and seeing the chili that was spilled down the side of it back in 1998, a dust bunny falling from the ceiling fan that hangs right over the dining room table and ruining the roasted duck

My dad's sister died and we attended her funeral.  I'm not sure exactly what happened, but before I knew it or could do anything about it mom had 150 people lined up for a SMALL funeral dinner afterwards at her house. ( there were only 25 at the funeral)  Before we went to the funeral she had showed me the pulled pork she would be serving which was the size of a banana nut bread.  I thought okay no problem we are having our immediate family and two other people over.  When we arrived at the social event aka the funeral home, mom was inviting everyone she talked to to come over for a bite to eat.  The more she invited the more worried I got.  I was thinking I hope a "bite" is all they wanted because there are12 bites of pulled pork and a whole lot of baked beans  (what is it with funeral dinners and baked beans, is it a joke?..."oh sorry for the gas I'm passing, I went to a funeral today")

I started getting really worried and decided to leave before the funeral to get home and help getting stuff ready.  I stopped at the store and just got a few things like paper products, another can of baked beans (true story) and buns for the six pulled pork sandwiches. 

So, There I am in Vivian's Kitchen snooping around.  May I just say this woman is ready for Armageddon.  She knows how to stock her kitchen with food.  You seriously could randomly pick any recipe as wild or mild as you would like and she would have in her cupboards the very ingredients you would need to make it.  I looked in her freezer and it looks like the Schwan man died and left her his inventory.  It's quite amazing.  She cans, she freezes, and she buys right. The only thing lacking is alcohol.  I was searching for just a  little bit of wine to calm my nerves and there was nothing.   I'm pretty sure there is a beer stash somewhere for my father, they keep that well hidden in case the minister stops by.  At any rate, I will never be that put together.  I buy a new bag of lettuce as soon as I throw the old one away.  That's how I know I need a new bag. (notice I said bag.....chopping up a head of lettuce?  Who has time for that?)

I quickly threw together my famous recipe for creamed chicken sandwiches.  Mom had a can of chicken the size of Freeport, two cans of cream of chicken soup and a half bag of crushed potato chips.  There you go, my worries were over.  We now had enough cream chicken to feed everyone 2-3 sandwiches each.  I added my beans to her 3 bean with hamburg crock pot meal and we were good to go.  As a side note, if you have beans at my mom and dad's house they will always be Bush's for obvious reasons.  These republicans take their parties and beans very very seriously. You will have to search for the booze though.