HAPPY FRIGGIN' BIRTHDAY MA!

Well today  is my mom's birthday and I didn't get the card in the mail.  She's beginning to believe there really isn't a card at all, but I swear to the good Lord above I bought a card!  It was nothing mushy, or smushy, it had a crotchety old woman on the front and when you open the card it simply said "Happy Friggin' Birthday."

We really suck at birthdays around here.  We have never been big on them, it's just another day.  My mom views it that way also.  She believes birthday cards are a waste of money and should not be bought.  (that's the republican in her)  She wants Romney to get elected, but worries about how much the secret service bill is going to be  with that herd of kids and grand kids he has.(this makes me chuckle)  I suppose when you look at this stuff from our meager salaries, that's a fair concern, but if you compare it to the national debt, I think it's a little bit crazy to worry about it. 

I can tell you ways I'm a lot like my mom.  I can tell you ways I'm less like my mom and more like my dad.  I really believe I'm a fair blend of each.  Mom likes people....I don't.  I would prefer a good book and silence.  She likes an audience and a soap box.    She will truly help anyone and is very, very giving.  I would suggest that if you would ever like to go shopping, skip the mall and go to my moms house.  She will give you a tour of the house and you can just point and say "oh, that's beautiful, I like that" she will be fetching Bob to shove it in your trunk or tie it on your roof like a dead deer.  I'm not kidding you!  The next time I visit, I'm going to mention I like her hall table.  I'm driving the van that day. 

Hospitality?  This woman can make cheese, trail  bologna, crackers and a slice of pie seem like a four course meal.  She loves to cook and loves entertaining people.  Her home is always open for anyone who is hungry.  I can promise you will never leave hungry.

Mom is a take charge person.  She will step in and just do.  Rarely do you have to ask.  She admits and I can vouch.....Vivian can clean up puke and eat a peanut butter sandwich at the same time.  She will do the dirty work.  No job is too messy.  NOT ME!  I plug my nose, pull on the rubber gloves and if that puke is on  something I can throw away and buy another, that's what I do.   She was a very compassionate nurse and one that I would want by my bedside. 

We are both dumb as hell.  We have been known to clean out our purse and make two piles.  One pile to throw away and one pile to keep.  Well guess what?  We get the piles mixed up and throw away the keepers and keep the trash.  We stuff that trash back in our purse and when looking for our wallet the next day, head to the garage to go dumpster diving.  We have thrown out bills, remote controls, and keys.  (at least I have, and I'm pretty sure she has also)  One of my funniest mom stories (she is going to kill me) is when she swore her video camera was stolen.  It wasn't just stolen.... it was stolen by illegal immigrants.  She was just ranting and raving how she knows it was on the seat of the car and some illegals came and stole it while she was in paying for gas or something.  (this is where  Roger and I just look at each other and roll our eyes and go along with it)  Well, wouldn't you know, she found that camera a couple days later...yes she did, it was in an old dryer.  I HAVE NO IDEA HOW OR WHY....you will have to ask her, but she owes the illegal immigrant community an apology I guess. 

Well, mom....you didn't get the card because it never made it into the mail box.  I hope you have a happy friggin' birthday....you deserve it.  I could probably write a book just about you and your shenanigans, but I will save that for some other day.  Your story isn't finished yet....In fact I'm pretty sure it's only going to get better, crazier and more fun before it's all over!  God be with Roger.  I'm moving to Hawaii with Obama.