Monday, April 15, 2013


First before I get into the subject matter...I really don't plan what I'm going to say.  This isn't a job where I think I have to post something every week or I don't get paid.  However, I was thinking.....If someone told me they would give me a million dollars to write a novel, I would have to lie. (because I need the cash)  Whoever was going to hand over the million bucks would think they may be reading a novel but I can tell you right now it would be an autobiography.  A very boring autobiography, but definitely not a novel. 

I have no vision.  I am not creative.  I am not smart.  I just know what I know.  I think I'm rich in common sense, although I suppose that could be debated if someone saw me, oh I don't know, let's say...leaving a kid at church.  (I thought it seemed quiet on the way home and wouldn't you think a sibling would have said something like "mommy, where's Sarah?")  Any way where is this going you ask? Hell, I don't know. 

I was looking at my blog stats.  It seems some blogs do better than others.  My last one had 49 "hits"  I'm thinking 39 of them were from my mother.  What is really throwing me is this last week my stats said I had people in Germany, Georgia (not USA Ga), Russia, Venezuela and the Netherlands reading this blog.  In the month prior I had all of these plus Canada, India and wait for it......KAZAKHSTAN!!!  Listen this almost scares me.  I googled Kazakhstan and although they speak Russian, when I look at the map, it seems very close to Afghanistan.  When I say close I mean like as close as Tennessee is to Ohio.  Okay that's pretty close. 

To whomever is reading this Podunk blog from KAZAKHSTAN believe me you can do better.  I will repeat myself.  I am boring... so so boring.  I am not creative, I am not smart.  I just know what I know and very little else.  I know a bit about processing milk, cottage cheese, ice cream and birthing babies.  Other than that, in the words of Colonel Klink,  "I know NOTHING"   I have no United States Secrets and no KGB connections whatsoever to anyone you may be looking for.  My life is BORING with a capital B.  I'm guessing you would find my children more interesting.  Hit me up and I will tell you where to find them. Whatever it is you want with them, all I ask is that it doesn't cost me money.

If I ever see where I have a "hit" from let's say North Korea, I will probably board up the blog and either go under the witness protection program or start over in Word Press under an alias. (possibly Booby Tit Rack, that was my high school nick name) However, if I thought it were wee man Kim Jong Un I may pull a Dennis Rodman and invite him to dinner to discuss his short man syndrome.  Perhaps I would even play a little Justin Bieber and see if I could make a "Belieber" out of him.  At that point he may want to fall on his own sword or nuke or whatever he thinks he has.

So anyway, if there truly are people in far away lands reading this, please contact me. I would love to know why?  Your life may be a tad more pathetic than mine, and if so that's good to know.

1 comment:

  1. Smart and boring are such relative terms. Einstein was smart but completely absent minded. Solomon was considered wise but had 1000 wives, doesn't seem very smart to me. I find your blog real, which is what makes it entertaining. By the way, why does superior make fishers milk in a rectangular jug, but makes its own in the traditional jug?