Saturday, April 20, 2013


Sometimes blogs just happen.  I think if we all would talk less and watch and listen more we could  write daily blogs just about the everyday things in life.  As I have said before, I find humor in a lot of things.  Sometimes I even run the risk of offending people because I'm not overly-serious about important matters.  Oh, trust me, I don't find everything in life funny, and I find life and people to be "udderly" ridiculous sometimes, but I still try to laugh.  John is reading this and saying "really?  Because I believe I witnessed a melt down yesterday."  Well, John, yes, yes you did, but that was because my family was being downright stupid and borderline insane.  I find other people's lives a hell of a lot funnier than my own sometimes. 

My entire day Friday was just weird.  I went to Macy's  to buy my niece a shower gift.  The clerk in housewares was a doll.  She was so friendly and helpful and helped me pick the pieces I was looking for off the registry.  When we were checking out she would wrap a little, talk a little, wrap a little, talk a little.  As very nice as she was, I was growing impatient because the line behind us was getting deeper and deeper and I know what I would be doing and feeling if I were in line and someone was chattering more than working.  Suddenly I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye, getting off the elevator was an 85 year old woman who was on a mission.  I could tell right away she was going to be as patient as a bear in heat.  She went right around everyone in line and forced her way right beside me and said in a very aggravated almost panicked tone "WHERE ARE THE PRESSURE COOKERS"  I busted out laughing...she gave me the look of death.  The good Lord quickly put his hand over my mouth because I was going to point to the back wall and say "right over there beside the kitchen tacks and the fertilizer"  What the hell..seriously, who goes out buying a pressure cooker four days after a pressure cooker bomb is used to create terror.

Now, I know it's too soon for this conversation but she started it.  There are a couple possible scenarios. 

1. She has no idea what is going on in the world and just seriously needed a pressure cooker TODAY.

2.  OR....she was watching FOX news and Sean Hannity said Obama was now going to ban pressure cookers.  In preparation for end times she is going to buy two of them.  ( just my personal observation, but one will last her the rest of her life)

3.  The Cool weather has her confused and she believes there are green beans to be canned.

4. She is going to use it for evil. 

I'm going with number two.  It seems people of this age are always talking about the end times and their TVs are always on cable news.  Psst, I really hate to burst your bubble, but if you are 85 years old you ARE in end times.  My own mom has been talking about end times since I was a teenager. I  lied and said I was going to the bowling alley with friends and instead went railroad track jumping.  Hell, after I was apprehended, I thought it may be end times for me also. Meanwhile, my brother was out....oh never mind.

Now, back to Ethel.  The next time I saw her she was lugging her 50lb cooker to her car which was a big ole Lincoln Continental parked conveniently. (which it should be)  I seriously almost took a cell phone picture to prove to you people I really don't make this crap up.  I just hope her mind is at ease now.

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