Cutie of the Day

As you can see on the left, Snow Wipe, and Cinderelli are about to get a bubble bath.   (That's what she calls them by the way, it's not a typo.)

Search Committee

In my last post we talked a bit about second wives.  I mentioned my moms contempt for dad's next wife.  Mom is kind of territorial of what she worked her butt off to get.  I on the other hand, figure what the hell.....

As a side note, my dad's dad got remarried at the ripe age of 85.  (someone may need to correct that number, but it's close) I have no idea why you would do that, but maybe he wanted to make an honest woman out of her. (I mean could they? Did they? let's move on less I digress) I may also need to note that they got a divorce at the ripe age of 90 or something like that also.  I think it's cute.  The children that had to clean up that mess, probably didn't find it so cute.

John and I have joked many many times about his next wife.  I could not be more serious when I say I could TOTALLY pick her.  I'm pretty sure I have met her. Maybe I haven't met the actual woman, but I have met the type.  As far as personality goes she is witty, yet not the center of attention.  She is in no way bossy or controlling.  She does not need to be a big talker.  Probably most important she just needs to be chill.  He is not going to want someone who is going to fight with him or find fault with the kids. He would appreciate if she would mow the grass, he seems to point those women out to me when he sees them.   Physically, and I'm proof of this, John does not like skinny women.  He likes a woman with a badonkadonk.  Yes, he's an ass man.  He's the guy to ask if you need to ask "do these jeans make my butt look big?"

I have formed a committee for the Wife Search.  If anyone saw my facebook picture of my friends who helped me pick out a couch, well, that is is the search committee for John.  These women all have hearts of Gold.  Shelly, thinks everyone is a "DOLL" so we need to watch her choices a little bit.  If Terri searches for a woman like she searches for different fabrics to suit a couch, John will be stylin'.  Judy, will be the one who takes the woman out for a drink and asks her what her intentions are.  She will make sure number two is the real deal. (as I learned Saturday, she is NOT afraid to say FO!!)  Jan, is kind of like Shelly, she pretty much likes everyone.....be careful. Jan can, however, make sure the spiritual part is in order.  I'm not sure John wants to go Catholic (no offense, it's the same God just he's not good at kneeling), but she can at least give them a Christianity test.   There are no men on the committee because well, I just don't see a need. 


On a bit more serious note, what I DO NOT WANT is this:  I don't want my kids fighting with number two.  I want them to realize that life goes on.  Nobody is trying to replace me.  Dad deserves a good life after me.  The relationship he has with number two may not mirror what we had.  He may do things that I could never get him to do, or perhaps build her a new house with the master bath I always wanted or that killer kitchen  (this will make me flip over in my grave :))  Life changes, life turns, life goes on.  In an upcoming blog, I may write her a little SOP ( Standard Operating Procedure) for handling the three of you.  You are all so unique and different I think she would appreciate the help.  Let's just all get along and be nice.

Life Marches On

I remember growing up and even through my adult life my mom would tease my dad about his next wife. (there will be another day dedicated to John's next wife stay tuned) Mom and I both agree that men tend to want to re-join the marriage institution after the first wife is gone.  Sometimes within the first six months.  That pie she brought after the funeral was probably the best pie EVER.    I have nothing against re marriage because truly life marches on and on and on.   The remaining spouse needs to keep going.  Now my mom's fix for that second wife was to take the knobs off the kitchen cupboards and place them out of reach so the woman would have to drag a chair around the kitchen to open them.  As you will see, maybe tomorrow, is I'm a bit gentler.  In fact I bought the next wife a new living room suit.  I hope she likes it.

A few weeks ago, the Saturday before my hysterectomy, John, me, Shelly, Barry and Terri went looking for a Happy Hysterectomy couch.  At that time it was all a joke.  I said I wanted to make sure that second wife had some nice furniture to get started on.  We ordered what we wanted and then got a call that they couldn't cover the couch in the material that we had picked out.  Even at the time of that phone call, I wondered if there was a sign in there somewhere.  Was I not supposed to spend the money?  Did God feel that the material we had picked out was hideous? Was God worrying that it wasn't the next wife's taste? Dear God, if you are trying to tell me something you better just come out and say it because I'm a little dense.  After we got the diagnosis, one of my first instincts was to just forget the crazy couch, it wasn't important.  Though, it really isn't important in the scheme of things, it goes along with the theme that life marches on......I'm getting the couch.

We were also in the middle of planning a family vacation to Myrtle Beach.  John, me, all the kids and Taylor.  Our only regret was that Ben will be deployed at the time and wouldn't  be able to be with us.  We still thought it would be a nice break for everyone. especially Sam and Taylor who will be missing Ben terribly, to get away from the routine of life for a week.  I have all intentions of going on that vacation.  LIFE Marches on. 

Only God knows what the future holds. I am going to plan each day and keep marching.   I'm going to assume there are a lot more birthdays, Christmases, New Years,retirement, travel and joyful times.  I'm also going to assume there will be tears, trials and bad days.  I am no different than anyone else.  We all have "things" in our lives to deal with.   I admire people who can put their heads down and just plow through....I want to be one of those people.  With God, Friends and wonderful family, we can all do that.  I'm blessed to have all three.

Statistics (yawnnnnnn)

Ok, I admit everytime I get on an airplane I think of statistics.  There are two trillion flights a day and not one plane went down.  On our last couple cruises I thought the same thing, though there are probably only a hundred cruises a day, how many have you  heard sinking?  ok one in the last week, but before that wasn't it the Titanic?

Maybe even more statistically mind blowing is the fact that my actual gyneocologist called me.  I mean the person....not her assistant.....not the appointment lady...but the actual Dr.  Do you know how many times through the years, I have just wanted a Dr. to call me?  (another lesson learned, better watch what you ask for) She called to give me a long distance hug.  She went on to say how she is still in shock and just can't believe it.  She also said that fibroids are never cancerous.  Well, I take issue with that because apparently they can be.  So she proved that statistically I'm a sort of an anomaly. 

So as I research my cancer,( MY cancer see I'm owning it) which I have no idea exactly what it is, I'm looking at statistics.  I believe I had a better chance at winning the lottery than I did of getting Uterine Sarcoma.  It sounds like of ALL uterine cancers this makes up only 4% of them.  Now we still have to boil this diagnosis down because there are like three types of this cancer.  I've ordered the one with the word Stromal in it.  Of the three this is the best one I believe.  I may have to come back and edit these remarks when I really know what I'm talking about.  Google is a blessing and a curse sometimes. 

 We sit and we wait patiently.    The waiting is the worst, yet I kind of get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think of sitting in front of the oncologist who will eventually have the answers in his folder.  Here is what I do know:  We have an awesome God, he knows the end of the story, If he is going to take us down this road, he will be there the entire time. 

One of my favorite hymns:

Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
because he lives
all fear is gone
Because I know
he holds the future
and life is worth the living
just because he lives

Harder Than It Seems

Well, yesterday I kind of poked fun at the professionals and their delivery of bad news.  Today I have no choice but to poke fun at MY delivery of bad news.  After getting the news, one of the very first things I thought about was the order in which I would tell people.  The one advantage we have over the professional is we kind of know our audience.  I knew the ones I probably needed to be more sensitive with and the ones I could kind of joke my way through....Now I know texting isn't exactly the best way to let people know, but........Here's how it went down with John:

ME:  Call me when you get a break
JOHN:  What's wrong?
ME:  Cancer
John: Are you ok?

Then an hour later when he had a break from work, he called and we discussed.  No theatrics, no crying, just the facts.  (that's how we roll)  John and I are opposites on so so much, BUT, are cores are the same.  We are relatively laid back, not high energy and can enjoy quiet.  God made a good match for me when he made this marriage.  We now kiss goodbye a lot more and we have upped our I love You's by at least 50%.   

The second person I told, was my oldest daughter Samantha.  I had already arranged to pick her up and take her and Taylor to lunch so this worked out pretty well.  Samantha is my tenderheart.  I knew this would probably be the hardest.  I was not very elegant in my delivery.  "ok, I don't want you to worry yourself over this, but they told me today I have cancer"  I'm not sure exactly how she felt, but from my view I may as well have kicked her in the gut.  It actually brought back a memory of when I was a very young mother.  I had just had Sarah.  Sam was 15 months old and Sarah was a newborn.  My mom told me she was going to go to the Dr and have this "thing" on her leg looked at, to her it looked like cancer.  I was petrified.  I still needed my momma (still do) I would not have wanted to  raise 3 kids without her, I just wouldn't.  I believe girls need their mom's even if it's just to know they are there.  Anyway, Sam and I hugged, cried, and assurred ourselves that everything will be just fine.  On we go to lunch. 

Next was Sarah:

Sarah is more kick ass.  Though she was very sympathetic and didn't enjoy hearing it, she still had the " you are a Tedrick/Hall/Kent woman you can kick this things ass"  We spent the rest of the afternoon, making bad jokes.  I also deemed her solely responsible for the medical MJ ( you know Mary Jane, Weed, or as old people call them Marijuana Cigarettes)  that is  to be obtained after chemo and started for nausea.  (this is a joke....maybe) What I can say about Sarah, is she is my one child who will be able to change her parents depends and  do it with a smile on her face.  She will be our personal nurse someday. 

Because Jonathan works odd hours and a lot of them, I didn't get to have a face to face with him, and he is THANKING GOD he got to avoid that mess.  I believe he totally prefers the social media network for this type of thing.   He did post on my facebook "way to keep your head up mom, I love U"  enough said. 

Next was my mom:

ok, this one could go either way.  It started out by me saying "ok, now I don't want you freaking out".  (This phrase always helps the other person feel so comfortable.)  My mom has her own struggle with a different type of cancer and health issues, I really don't want to burden her with my problems.  The thing I know is she will pray.  As long as my mom is on this earth I can KNOW there is at least one person praying for me everyday.

My Boss:  (this is my personal favorite)

I had already texted him the news and now he had been digesting it for a bit his text went like this:

Boss:  I really think you need to check out all the University Hospitals and Cleveland Clinic for their expertise, these people are on the cutting edge of what's new and advanced out there.
ME:  Ok, I will exhaust all possibilities.
Boss:  Are you researching now?
ME: Yes, I just googled Costco Caskets
Boss:  NOT FUNNY
ME:  SORRY!  ( though Sarah and I think it's hilarious)
Me:  Ok, I will research

This was probably an example of someone not liking my humor. 

So it goes, the news is out, you think about it, you ponder it, you guess, you think of a lot of questions and there is nobody around to answer them.  Your mind goes from one end of the spectrum to the other.  We now have an unwanted guest in our house.   My prayer warriors have been assigned their duties and now we just remember "be still and know that I am God"

The Diagnosis

So, I won't take you back twenty years, I will just start with two weeks ago.  Two weeks ago today, I had a hysterectomy.  It was no big deal.  I had gone to the Dr in September and I went in with the sole purpose of telling them I was ready for the big H.  They did the usual tests and Dr's even chuckled at the size of my unit. (Unit being Uterus) See most men would love a Dr who told them their unit was one for the record books.  ME?  I wasn't very impressed.

Again, the day of the surgery, both Dr.'s were very impressed with the size of my harmless fibroids.  Well, yesterday I was told they were apparently not harmless.  They found cancer.  (sarcoma)  The pathologists could not type them so they sent them away to Cleveland Clinic to be typed.  As Dr V is telling me this, she has tears in her eyes.  She tells me that both my gyn and she had cried when they got the results.......AHHHHHH  I do NOT want my Doctors crying.  (I do love these two though) Dr V looked at me like I was going to lay on the floor and kick my feet, go ballistic or something, I'm not sure.  I've never told anyone they have cancer, so I'm not sure what reactions she has probably gotten over the years.  I'm very low drama.  I'm more of a hear it, digest it,  go to bed and bury my head in a pillow, cry, go to sleep, wake up and repeat if needed person.   She sat there quite awhile and I almost felt like I should start doing SOMETHING so we could get on with curing it.  I have decided when this is over, I'm going to hold a seminar on how to give bad news to patients.  I believe it will be a jazzy song and dance with top hat and cane,  I seriously think I can see it!

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Today it Is

For a very long long time I have wanted to blog.  I have other blogs I follow and a lot of them drew me in because I had something in common with them and just generally insterested in others people's thoughts and views.    I have no real goals for this blog, except to put MY thoughts, feeling, dreams, joys, heartache into a spot where I can get at them. 

Yesterday, I was given the news that I have cancer.  I decided right at that moment that I wanted to blog through it.  Now I'm hoping this Cancer stuff can be like a short part of this blog.  I don't mean that I hope I die quickly, I'm hoping that as we do more testing it will be a walk in the park and contained and no big deal.  If that happens I will continue to blog my boring life. 

Please be warned, I'm not always nice, I don't always use great language, I  use humor for a lot of things in life and sometimes that humor can be very sarcastic.  Just let me be me, it won't be that bad I promise.

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