Maybe even more statistically mind blowing is the fact that my actual gyneocologist called me. I mean the person....not her assistant.....not the appointment lady...but the actual Dr. Do you know how many times through the years, I have just wanted a Dr. to call me? (another lesson learned, better watch what you ask for) She called to give me a long distance hug. She went on to say how she is still in shock and just can't believe it. She also said that fibroids are never cancerous. Well, I take issue with that because apparently they can be. So she proved that statistically I'm a sort of an anomaly.
So as I research my cancer,( MY cancer see I'm owning it) which I have no idea exactly what it is, I'm looking at statistics. I believe I had a better chance at winning the lottery than I did of getting Uterine Sarcoma. It sounds like of ALL uterine cancers this makes up only 4% of them. Now we still have to boil this diagnosis down because there are like three types of this cancer. I've ordered the one with the word Stromal in it. Of the three this is the best one I believe. I may have to come back and edit these remarks when I really know what I'm talking about. Google is a blessing and a curse sometimes.
We sit and we wait patiently. The waiting is the worst, yet I kind of get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think of sitting in front of the oncologist who will eventually have the answers in his folder. Here is what I do know: We have an awesome God, he knows the end of the story, If he is going to take us down this road, he will be there the entire time.
One of my favorite hymns:
Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
because he lives
all fear is gone
Because I know
he holds the future
and life is worth the living
just because he lives
Love that you're owning it but when you finally give it a name - like "Trudy" or "George", I'm going to be worried. Love that you're writing about it. People don't share enough real stuff anymore. It's usually the superficial and petty. I'd prefer my blogs to contain real emotion and thoughts so I can connect to the person on the other side.
ReplyDeleteOne thing to be watchful for... don't let this consume you and don't let this define you. Wallow in it for now. Feel all the great experiences this is providing. What other moment in time do you get to be obsessive like this, scared like this, vulnerable like this? Talk about a blessing. This is the real deal, baby. What a gift. But let me caution you. Once you're done wallowing in it, digesting in it, and have wrung all you can out of the experience, put in the toolbox with every other experience that has ever happend to you and move forward.
You are not defined by any event or diagnosis in your life. Motherhood, wife, co-worker, friend, lover, blonde, hottie, smart, butthead, jerk, fabulous, idiotic... all labels that we have been, will be or are at any given moment in time.
This is just another facet on the diamond that you are. And while they say that perfect diamonds are sought out, I tend to like my riddled with flaws. It makes them shine in unusual and unpredictable ways.