Saturday, May 5, 2012

THE DYSFUNCTIONAL MOMMY BLOG CHRONICLES

Some tips on how to deal with "Mommy, It's not fair!" syndrome.    I'm not a mommy blogger, but I play one on the Internet.

 I dislike the term "mommy blogger"  my goodness whoever has children can call themselves a mommy blogger, if they can put two sentences together.  So here we go!

I learned quickly that apparently John and I didn't have to parent our third child.  The siblings seemed to mind each others business pretty good. (or is it well?)   Until of course the teen years where they made some sort of Geneva Convention type pact that said "Prisoners of war have rights too and began chanting "defeat and conquer the 'rants)  More on this later......

I seriously remember one thing, just one thing, that Jonathan did when he was young that he got a time out for.  The only reason he got the time out is because the other two siblings were testing my reaction to his transgression.  (He hocked a loogie on his plate when he was four years old)  Big deal!  I think he was choking and had no choice, but whatever.  The girls wanted him punished severely.  OK, so now I'm  taking parenting advice from 5 and 6 year olds, I put him in time out.  As I was walking out of the room he screams "I'm going to kick you in the crotch!"  I started laughing until I looked into the eyes of the wanna be moms and there they were with their arms folded in obvious disgust, and yelling "Are you going to let him get away with that!". (although I suspect they were the reason he knew the word "crotch" to begin with) Shamefully, I turned around and pretended to yell at the poor boy.  I was winking, so he knew I didn't mean it, I was just trying to satisfy the Hitler Sisters. 

 Sarah has a propensity to whine about how special Jonathan was treated.  Really?  Really?  because when Sarah wanted something, she could wear me down to a mere skeleton of a human.  I would literally drop to the floor and say "whatever Sarah just do what you want to do, but PLEASE shut up.There has been no telling her what to do.  I have finally, because I have a will of iron that has been refined to ashes, decided to quit trying to push this square peg into a round hole.  Good Gawd.....just follow the rules of being a good human being and do your thing.

So there you have it.  Sam would just sneak around, Sarah would wear me down and Jonathan was raised by a clown.....I mean older siblings who knew more than the parents. 

Yes, I think I will write a book on parenting...it will not be how I fed my kids organic food, dressed their celery up like ants on a log to get them to eat, how we did arts and crafts at the kitchen table or how I home schooled them.....nope it will just be about how normal families with both parents working get the job done.  How your mind can get so busy with other things that you forget your kid at church, or when daughter #1 calls you at work to tell you her period started you refer them to the "P" volume of World Book encyclopedia, or if it's the second girl calling to give you the news you just refer her to her older sister.  Yes, my mommy blog will be about survival of the fittest....there was no time for attachment parenting here!  I think the kids grew up ok in spite of our lack of parenting skills. 











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