Monday, September 3, 2012

Another Doctor, Another Blog

I know I sound like I dislike all Doctors.  I really don't..see I put a capital D on Doctors to show my deepest respect.  I do believe I could be a Dr critique.  In my early years, I would randomly just pick Dr.'s out of the phonebook.  I find it doesn't really do any good to ask people's opinions because everyone has different ideas on what a good Dr. is.  The Dr. that delivered all three of the kids was really not my favorite.  First, his hands were just too small.  Those little slimey people could have slid right out of his sausage fingers. 

With Samantha he used forceps so hard that the side of her cheeks were red and raw for the first couple weeks of her life.  With Jonathan he broke his collar bone during child birth.  We didn't figure this out until a couple weeks later.  Jonathan was the only kid that cried at the hospital a lot.  I was thinking about trading him off for the quiet baby in the nursery.  Even in 1991 they kept pretty good tabs on what kid belonged to which mom.  So we brought the original home.  At his first check up the pediatrician noticed a "knot" aka a tumor on Jonathan's collar bone.  This particular pediatrician always went right to the worst case scenario.  He sent him to the ER for an Xray and turns out it had been broken during birth.  In a few months down the road this particular doctor would also put him through a battery of tests to rule out things like heart problems and Cystic Fibrosis.  He had me in an uproar most of the time. 

I've written quite enough about my oncologist.  He is as boring as you can get, but because of his outstanding credentials, I will cut him some slack.  Besides, I've seen and heard his patients in the waiting room.  There's is no wonder he has no sense of humor.  If I had to deal with Edna every six months, I would want to either shoot her out of her misery or retire. 

The newest Dr. I tried was a dermatologist.  I actually got a recommendation for this one. I wouldn't say it was a good recommendation, but a name written on a napkin type deal.   On vacation, my dear friends informed me I had a big ugly melanoma looking thing on my back.  I really didn't think it was melanoma, but I felt it was probably some sort of cancer that would need hacked off.  I did the responsible thing and made my appointment.  Between the time of making the appointment and actually going, I found that most people dislike this Dr.  One girl I work with HATED her.  Another girl, thought she was just okay.  The "just okay" girl actually had a growth on her ear that was growing a lot, I mean this was a big growth.  This particular Dr. wouldn't take it off because it wasn't cancer and she said insurance wouldn't pay for it.  OH HORSE POOP......if you take the damn thing off and send it off to be tested insurance will pay for it.  I sure wish she had told me this story when she wrote this Doctor's name on the damn napkin.  I already had my appointment and figured what the heck...I would keep the appointment. 

The first thing that is a turn off, are the doctors that belong to "The Foundation"  It's a complex that is bigger than the University of Akron.  You have buildings A, B and C.  It took me three stops ( because of course I went in alphabetical order) and a half tank of gas to find the correct building.  Then they are so helpful, they have a 90 year old woman working the "information desk."  I admit I'm very low on patience, but when I have to repeat the Doctor's name three times for Grace to hear me and she still doesn't understand me, I just want to ask the person who is charge what the point is to have someone handing out information that apparently can only understand sign language or maybe speaks a whole different language.  Once she understood what Dr. I was searching for she sent me on a wild goose chase.  I ended up reading the wall where they list all the offices and found the Dr. I was looking for was RIGHT BEHIND where she was sitting. 

The office was practically empty.  They put me in the examining room to sit for one HOUR....ONE HOUR and to my knowledge the office was empty.....I never saw any other patients.  I found this to be absurd.  The nurse asked me the same questions that I had already filled out on my forms and the questions that kept coming up were:  What color is it?  Has it grown?  when did you notice it?.......EVERY TIME I answered  "it's on my back I can't see it".  After sitting for an hour the Doctor and her nurse came in.  The nurse is carrying a container with a hose that looked like I was going to get my gears greased or something.  It looked like an old fashioned oil can.  I made a joke ( I forget what I said) they didn't laugh.  Dr. S. was particularly abrasive.  She started asking me the same questions that I had already answered.  What color is it? How big is it?  Has it grown?........OMG I was pissed by this point.  You are the Dr. I'm sitting here....why don't YOU look at it and tell me what color it is and how big it is?  I DO NOT HAVE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD.  THEY FELL OUT WHEN THE LAST CHILD LEFT THE NEST.  She went behind the table and looked for less than a split second and said "yea that's just an age spot".  An age spot?  My friends sent me to the Dr. for an age spot?  Really?  Because when we compared my melanoma to those on, it was in the advanced stages?  Are you sure  it's just an age spot?  She went on to examine me for other potential problems and somehow found a microscopic-can't- see- with-the-naked-eye- pimple-like- thing on my arm.  Nurse Ratchet handed her the "can of oil", and she blasts the pre-cancerous thingy on my arm.  For those of you who believes guns should be banned, I would suggest you re-think that.  If any criminal would get their hands on this device it would do more damage than any arsenal.  I went to this Dr. three weeks ago and I'm still scabbed over where she blasted the little thingy on my arm.  I'm pretty sure I'm scarred for life.  I'm very thankful she didn't use it on my face or I would look like Halloween right now. 

I wish I could say I'm done with doctors for this year, but I have an oncologist and CAT scan to get through yet before the end of the year.  Next year my goal is to NOT max out insurance to where everything is covered 100%.  I would like to not reach my deductible. 

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