Tuesday, April 17, 2012


I can't believe that in a week or so this little baby to the right will be 24 years old.  It's all cliche, but seriously where did the time go?  I kept a journal when I was pregnant with my kids, but I can't seem to find it.  I remember every moment, every worry, every ultrasound, every doppler heartbeat as though it were yesterday.  I marvel at pregnancy.  Yes, I'm a pro lifer.  I believe if there is a heart beating, that's a life. That's not what we are going to talk about today though so relax.

  Did she pass her first test?  Yes, isn't it kind of ironic that at the very moment we pop out, someone in authority is testing us? They don't just test us once, but twice.   What's even more ridiculous is we parents brag about the score.  Yep Sam got a 9/9.   I just kept telling myself very few babies get a 10 on their apgar test. APGAR stands for Appearance, Pulse, Grimace (She can still grimace with the best of them and just so happens she excelled at this at birth) and Respiration.

Breastfeeding:  What the hell can I say about that?  God bless every successful breast feeder.  I was a fail....big time fail.  Yep, big fat F in the breastfeeding column.  I believe my picture is on the most wanted poster on the le leche leagues web site.  When I even think about it I laugh.  If you think your breasts are handled a lot when you have a mammogram, picture if you will, two burly nurses handling your boobs and trying to get your newborn to latch on. (You don't see any of this stuff in National Geographic. Those babies go from vagina to nipple.  No classes required)  You would truly believe, If this venture wasn't successful, her life would be in danger or at the very least special classes would be required to get her caught up to her classmates.   So many people admonished me not to give up. They even gave me the le leche magnet for my refrigerator to call if there was trouble.  Oh the stress we put on ourselves.  (besides trouble comes at night, not between the hours of 9 and 5, I'm sure they wouldn't want to get my 2am phone call)

I tried I really did.   Apparently in the hospital she wasn't hungry because she slept the entire time.  Her first night at home was awful.  She cried and cried and cried.  I kept putting her on my teet and she would chew and chew and chew to the point she rendered me useless.  I apologize to any men that are reading this, but my nipples were the size of quarters and not even recognizable....yes it was that bad.  After many hours of crying, her's and mine, I shoved a bottle in that kids mouth and never looked back.  My mom stayed one night and I was sitting at the top of my steps pumping my breasts and I dryly said "Yep, this is just what I wanted to do...get up at two am and milk"   No, thank you.

I feel bad for the first child.  We try to be perfect parents.  We boil, sanitize and clean trying to make a sterile environment.  The second kid you remove the binky from the dogs mouth, who thinks it has a new toy, and plop it into the babies mouth.  Oh, you may remove the dog hair first, but that's about it.  I freely admit I was an idiot with the first kid.  I had a thermometer up her butt and that green bulb thing up her nose the entire first year.  She was being assaulted at both ends.   Thank God the Internet wasn't available then, (that was before Al Gore invented it.) I would have been googling "slightly warm, stuffed up nose, cranky, non sleeping baby.

Advice on parenting?  Don't read Dr. Spock and go with your own gut.  Kids survive not being breastfed.  There are parents who go with the Attachment Parenting Philosophy.  That's fine too, but be careful because you may not sleep for the first year.  By the way, binky's ROCK. Whoever invented that should be given the Nobel Peace Prize.  Why not?  Others have gotten it for less.   Samantha could lose her binky in the middle of the night and suck it back in her mouth from three feet away...she was a pro.  Parenting is not a job, it's an adventure!!  Quit looking for the "right" answers.....trust me....there are none!

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