Wednesday, April 4, 2012

KIDS, KIDS WILL KEEP US TOGETHER ( Sung to the tune of Love, Love Will Keep Us Together)

Today's topic is divorce.  Don't worry, I'm not preachy.  I kind of stand in awe of people who have the intestinal fortitude to get one.   John and I are just too lazy.

We only had two years together before we had children.  A lot of people told me before we got married that the first year was the worst. I was told to we would need to grit our teeth and just fight through it.  I was petrified.  My mom  was telling me to walk down the aisle backward so If I wanted to run for the door I could go for it.  She truly gave me an out up and including the day of the wedding...."if you want to stop this right now you can... no questions asked.....Don't get me wrong, my mom loved and loves John. (even though he's a democrat ....that really tests the waters) It wasn't about him, I'm honestly not sure what it was about.  I think she just didn't want to deal with divorce. Having a cat collecting old maid would be better than divorce.   That first year, I kept waiting for the bomb to drop, but it never did.  I never felt there was an adjustment from single life to marriage, oh and we never lived together before we were married so that wasn't it. 

Once we had kids, our attitude was "ain't no way, I'm raising these hellions on my own"  As kids go, our kids were very well behaved.  Until.......DUM DA DUM....the teen years.  Good Grief, mother of Mary, I never dreamt how difficult the teen years could be.  This only cemented this marriage together more.  He didn't want them, I didn't want them, my parents would have killed them.   If he even so much as DIED, I was going to be F U R I O U S!!  I still love James Dobson's quote on raising teenagers.  "at 13 put them in a drum, put the lid on and drill holes in the 16 plug the holes"  (He was kidding, remember he's a pro-life advocate) he also said raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree.  I can relate to both.

Now (big deep breath) the worst, I hope,  is over.  I hear of people getting divorced 25 and 30 years into marriage.  Why?  I know there has to be some great reasons, but I don't care how bad the mid life crisis gets, I'm not going I said John and I are way to lazy for that nonsense.  Splitting stuff, splitting money, his, hers, mine....please, that just wears me out to think about it.   We have always just thrown our money into one big pot (one small kettle actually) and used it to live.  We have no egos.  It's not my money or his's ours. The house could be a problem.  I was raised in the house that we live in now, so technically I believe I have squatters rights.  I would think he would feel stupid taking my childhood home.  (hey I think I found something to fight about)  The only thing I foresee as a potential problem in our future is fighting over who gets to retire first.  I say we are walking at the same time, I'm not sure what page he's on. 

I cannot not remember one fight that John and I ever had.  There may have been a few sarcastic remarks, but never a screaming, fighting, crying, throwing things fight.  If someone ever asked advice on a happy marriage, I truly have no clue because this was a gift.  If it would have taken "work" I'm not sure we would have been up to it.  We are not that ambitious.  My ONLY advice in marriage, raising kids and actually any area in life is to pick your battles.....not everything needs to be a fight.  You are allowed to let something go.

Now after I've allowed myself a brief moment of feeling superior, John probably has his escape all figured out.  I shall go read his emails and text messages.....I need to stay one step ahead.

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