Well well well, The Canton family soooooooooooooo could be a reality show. I'm sorry to be so crass, but here it was the night before surgery and we get a call from Sarah that she wrecked the car. (thanking God nobody was hurt and for the first time EVER the car is still drivable) I'm pooping like a goose from whatever liquid bomb they made me drink. (It was like the fricking bottomless pit of a gator aid bottle.) John had a couple adult beverages and didn't feel it would be polite to show up at the scene of an accident smelling like Yuengling. I have to say I was kind of irritated because I really didn't want to show up at the scene squeezing my butt cheeks together and hoping for the best. That is not a good plan EVER.
God really works in funny, sometimes convenient ways. He placed the wreck right at the end of our road so I dropped John off, came home and did my business. I got a call they needed insurance information, so I left to go drop that off, came home and pooed more and waited on another call.
While all this is happening, I have a phone that's ringing off the hook and texts coming in that I'm dodging like bullets.... My friend, John's mom, Texts from my friend, my boss, my cousin. and Sarah... Do you ever just want the world to STOP? Just stop for a quick minute, so you can get off the toilet and catch your breath before the next crisis hits. Maybe just stop so you can deal with the present crisis. Had I known this little problem was going to happen less than eight hours away from surgery, I wouldn't have drank the concoction, this crisis would have cleaned me out just fine. I know I talk about my toilet habits too much, but when nervous I tend to well.....you know.....let loose. I could have saved my self hours of discomfort of drinking that disgusting stuff had I just known. God really needs to get a louder voice! (this is actually a joke, he probably has laryngitis from screaming so much and I'm hard of hearing)
I think God gave me extra humor because he said "someday this woman is going to have teenagers that if she doesn't have humor she will harm them or herself." See, he could have given my brother one of my imperfect children for one of his perfect ones........but NOOOOOOOOOOOO we didn't want to upset Roger. ( Oh I am so kidding, I have to take shots at Roger every chance I get it's pay back for all those times he beat the crap out of me) Besides, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, there is not a one in this glorious trio we created that I would give up or do over. Nope not one.....
We have owned enough cars with three kids to have a small used car lot and an insurance premium that mirrors the national debt.
Sam had one major wreck and two other mishaps in her own driveway. She had two cars I believe.
Sarah, has now had three wrecks and maimed one deer. The deer story is kind of funny because she was coming home from a band function at 3am and hit the deer. She came up to our bedroom and told us what had happened and in her words said "the van only has MINIMAL damage" To me minimal damage is a broken blinker. The car ended up being in the shop for approx ten days and the bill was in the thousands (I think) She has had 5 vehicles. Now in fairness, not all of these cars were totalled out, it's just as soon as you total two cars, we start buying disposable ones.
Jonathan, the good son, has had one wreck and one scrape in the school parking lot and 2 vehicles. He was smart enough that when he wrecked a car, it wasn't his it was his dads.
This tally of accidents does not include anything we as parents may not have been told. I hear around the ages of 25 to 30 you start hearing what REALLY went on under the roof of your own house apparently while I was in the bathroom. Goodness knows, I was in there a lot.
So yea, when parents say their kids are starting to drive I just die a little inside for them. It does not matter how old they are every time they leave the house I say be careful and they roll their eyes and say OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....oh, this could make me mad, but see I know God is working on the ten kids they are each going to have and they will be paid back many times over........(evil laugh)
God really works in funny, sometimes convenient ways. He placed the wreck right at the end of our road so I dropped John off, came home and did my business. I got a call they needed insurance information, so I left to go drop that off, came home and pooed more and waited on another call.
While all this is happening, I have a phone that's ringing off the hook and texts coming in that I'm dodging like bullets.... My friend, John's mom, Texts from my friend, my boss, my cousin. and Sarah... Do you ever just want the world to STOP? Just stop for a quick minute, so you can get off the toilet and catch your breath before the next crisis hits. Maybe just stop so you can deal with the present crisis. Had I known this little problem was going to happen less than eight hours away from surgery, I wouldn't have drank the concoction, this crisis would have cleaned me out just fine. I know I talk about my toilet habits too much, but when nervous I tend to well.....you know.....let loose. I could have saved my self hours of discomfort of drinking that disgusting stuff had I just known. God really needs to get a louder voice! (this is actually a joke, he probably has laryngitis from screaming so much and I'm hard of hearing)
I think God gave me extra humor because he said "someday this woman is going to have teenagers that if she doesn't have humor she will harm them or herself." See, he could have given my brother one of my imperfect children for one of his perfect ones........but NOOOOOOOOOOOO we didn't want to upset Roger. ( Oh I am so kidding, I have to take shots at Roger every chance I get it's pay back for all those times he beat the crap out of me) Besides, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, there is not a one in this glorious trio we created that I would give up or do over. Nope not one.....
We have owned enough cars with three kids to have a small used car lot and an insurance premium that mirrors the national debt.
Sam had one major wreck and two other mishaps in her own driveway. She had two cars I believe.
Sarah, has now had three wrecks and maimed one deer. The deer story is kind of funny because she was coming home from a band function at 3am and hit the deer. She came up to our bedroom and told us what had happened and in her words said "the van only has MINIMAL damage" To me minimal damage is a broken blinker. The car ended up being in the shop for approx ten days and the bill was in the thousands (I think) She has had 5 vehicles. Now in fairness, not all of these cars were totalled out, it's just as soon as you total two cars, we start buying disposable ones.
Jonathan, the good son, has had one wreck and one scrape in the school parking lot and 2 vehicles. He was smart enough that when he wrecked a car, it wasn't his it was his dads.
This tally of accidents does not include anything we as parents may not have been told. I hear around the ages of 25 to 30 you start hearing what REALLY went on under the roof of your own house apparently while I was in the bathroom. Goodness knows, I was in there a lot.
So yea, when parents say their kids are starting to drive I just die a little inside for them. It does not matter how old they are every time they leave the house I say be careful and they roll their eyes and say OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.....oh, this could make me mad, but see I know God is working on the ten kids they are each going to have and they will be paid back many times over........(evil laugh)
Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteSorry-- I was the texing friend, I think....
You were texting and calling......haha
ReplyDeleteI almost added that! What a pain I am!
Delete