Tired

Today I am just plain tired.  I'm tired of not being able to sleep because I am itching head to toe.  Tired of waiting, tired of wondering, tired of googling, tired of wondering why I'm still bleeding when I pee.  Tired tired tired.......

However, I need to count my blessings for how so many people have shown up in a time of trouble.  It really does put your Faith back in mankind when you see how much people really care.  It honestly makes me feel like we should just live like we are dying.  Treat others like today may be the last time we see them.  I've even had strangers send emails or messages letting me know they are praying and who would be there if I need anything.   

Tomorrow is the day.  Two weeks ago today they told me. We have had to wait two weeks for more info.  I find that not cool.  John believes it's part of what is taught in med school.  Kind of like shock and awe.  Drop the bomb and let them think about it.  Let their mind wrestle with it, second guess it, roll it around and talk yourself into accepting it.  I really don't have trouble accepting it.  I just want to know what IT is.  I feel strong.  I don't think the doctor can say anything tomorrow that will shock me.  Hell, I've had enough time
to push every scenario through my brain. 

As I've mentioned before, I'm a planner.  (Samantha says we are the generation of over- planners) I see tomorrow as a planning session between John, me and the Dr.  Let's get on with it.  Let the games begin.  We have our friends, our family, and all the prayer warriors out there.  If God is for us, who can be against us?